Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize