His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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