I think im going to throw up on grandma
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm really busy with my period
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