Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
