If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
