I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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