i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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