I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
