$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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