i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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