I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
