i barfeds in our rink
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
