I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
