I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
