he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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