The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
