You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
