literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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