you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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