last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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