I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
