I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I checked into jail on foursquare
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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