cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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