she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
