theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
