Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
