I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
