I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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