she looked like the before picture.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What a dumb baby whore.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize