Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
