she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
