my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
