I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
