I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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