Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
