Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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