are you still at the devil's house?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
