Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
