i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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