fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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