I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
