I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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