Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize