You smell like a Billy Joel song
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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