feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
do herpes really smell.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
