I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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