I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
