community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In other news, I just burned my penis
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
