Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
