Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
