i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Even my vagina gasped.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
