weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
