That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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