Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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