My sheets look like a crime scene.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize