It was confusing and full of hummus
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
