the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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