I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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