I smell stomach acid.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
