He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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