wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
