She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
