He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
