So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
