Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
