I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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