ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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