Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
