Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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