I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
