If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
