Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
