I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
