Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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