In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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