So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
