Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
