Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
