3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
