She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love having hate sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
