I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
