So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
