Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
