what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
