I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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