Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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