I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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