I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
