he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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