You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
