So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
