Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My bed smells like the plague
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
