I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
