The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you had me at cake vodka
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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