Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
