i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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